#5: The Quest for a Gender-Neutral Pronoun

For individuals who do not exist within the gender binary, finding a pronoun to use in everyday life is an important step. Many epicene (neither male nor female) pronouns exist, and many have gathered up through time. More popular examples include:

•  Ne/nem/nir/nirs/nemself
• ey/em/eir/eirs/eirself
• ze/hir/hir/hirs/hirself;zie/hir/hir/hirs/hirself;ze/zir/zir/zirs/zirself;zie/zir/zir/zirs/zirself

These can get complicated for various reasons. How does pronounce a neologism? How does on differentiate between various strains of the "ze" pronouns, if no one declension is accepted? What about "bleeding" between words that can make the gender neutral pronouns sound gendered in fast, colloquial speech? What if the pronunciation or spelling makes the words seem too gendered?  One reason that so many of these have been proposed is because each presents  unique quirks.

 Barring individual peculiarites, epicene pronouns in general can be difficult to integrate effectively into new language, as pronouns are used often and adding in a completely pronoun to our language can be harder than say, a verb or a noun . They, because it is already an established part of language, can serve as a good gender neutral pronoun, but with sentences like " Sam thought they were going to be late to the party", it can become confusing. Is they referring to only Sam, the hypothetical non-binary person, or is it referring to Sam and their friends? Despite the difficulty, finding correct pronouns for oneself is an important part of establishing one's identity and feeling comfortable in it. No matter who you are, language shapes reality and allows people to define themselves. If you have a friend who is choosing pronouns, bear with them even if the pronouns chosen may seem difficult or confusing. Taking a bit of time to learn someone's pronouns isn't too difficult, but it is extremely important in and treating that person with the dignity, respect and recognition they, or ne, or ey, or ze deserves.

Check out this list of various epicene pronouns and their various pros/cons: [x]

#4: Violence--more than just physical

Orange is the New Black actress  Laverne Cox recently said, "When a trans woman is called a man, that is an act of violence".  But how so? The World Health Organization  recently launched a report on what violence consists of. Violence  is defined as not only physical, but also emotional, not only from family but also from strangers. It has been found that ostracism can cause a similar physical effect than a blow.   Ostracism can come in many different forms, and even a brief moment of ostracism can hurt someone deeply for a long time . To tell someone that they are not the gender they identify as isn't just rude, but is a act of exclusion (you are not part of this gender) and dehumanization (you aren't a girl, you're an "it").  Because small acts of ostracism pile up as many people are wont to have the same reaction, and because ostracism threatens fundamental psychological needs such as belong and self-esteem, emotional violence ends up having the same effect as physical violence.

High rates of physical violence against trans* people exist, especially against trans women such as Laverne Cox. (And especially for trans women of color, who also must face the detrimental societal effects of racism.) The most murders against any group of queer people are against trans women. As the world is still so physically dangerous, small but additive acts of social violence only add to the difficulty of living within a society where cisgender people have all the power. 

Resources: WHO report, Ostracism: Consequences and Coping

#3:A Vlogbrothers video about Sexuality and Gender

Here is pretty and understandable exploration of the aspects of sexuality and gender which apply to each person, narrated by the lovely Hank Green from the famous "vlogbrothers".  "Common Sense" would dictate that gender identity, sex, orientation and gender roles would all align; the truth is a lot more fascinating. (One aspect Hank perhaps forgot to mention is gender expression. A trans-boy could still decide to dress up in girl's clothes for musical or for Halloween for example. A cis-male could be a drag queen and wear stage makeup and poofy dresses but still identify as male.)

Bonus Video:  Hank Green again , but in a previous post talking about his own sexuality. It's nice to see a public figure approach the topic casually and describe his experience honestly.  His electron analogy is wonderfully geeky! [x]